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Jul 17, 2008

TURNCOAT ANTI-VIRUS

The Anti-Virus program on this computer is behaving more like the viruses it is supposed to be protecting me from! Not content with suddenly flashing red warnings every time I try downloading a new website - and then 'stopping the computer till I solve the problem' - it is now chucking me off the web each time I try downloading anything from the ‘favourites’ folder!

The last (and third) time I logged on today, before being unceremoniously turfed out again, I found two thirds of the ‘favourites’ contents removed and a message telling me that if I wish to alter this state of affairs, I should go to ‘Internet Options’…. Not only that but that crazy, mad Anti-Virus is whisking every bit of mail into the spam folder – including the invoice from my Internet Provider and the latest online photos of the Grandkids… grrr..
I can forgive it chucking invoices in the bin - but don’t mess wiv de family!

I appear to have a Trojan horse virus in quarantine but that has always been there (like a stray animal that wanders in and stays) and is low risk – so why is Anti-Virus behaving like this…?
Hmm… I see that the AV subscription is due for renewal next month, so perhaps this is its unsubtle way of reminding me? If so, it is biting its viral nose off to spite it’s invisible face, because all this annoying behaviour is doing, is tempting me to buy a completely new Anti-Virus system altogether. DID YOU HEAR THAT YOU MANIPULATIVE GREMLIN??

On the other hand, I did manage (when Anti-Virus was busy attacking something else in ‘Settings and Network Connections’ and not watching me) to secretly download info’ and read up on how difficult and messy it will be to attempt to remove the thing; entailing all kinds of ‘clean up wizard’ downloads, as well as a Masters in computer programming - because it would appear that AV has wormed its insidious way into every nook and cranny of my comp’ and taken it thoroughly hostage.

Ok, Ok, I give in! I promise to renew you! Are you reading this Most Superiour Anti-Viral being?? Will you now please let me remove myself safely from ‘Word’ and log back onto the Internet long enough to sign into my blog and post this? NO? All right then…grr…I admit it, you are cleverer than me; I am a mere mortal; a nothing; you are the brain…. I grovel before you….
Sob! Please let me back in – and stop chucking me off every time I click on ‘favourites’!! I promise to have no more favourites. You will be my only one. My favourite (choke) Anti-Virus program…forever....

NOW LET ME BACK IN YOU....THING!!!

10 comments:

steph said...

:lol:

Sorry to laugh, Geri but it's hard not to with your sense of humour.

This post is very be-fitting of the words in your header.

I hope this virus thingy isn't catching?

Geri Atric said...

Hi Steph, Thanks for the compliment! I do seem to lurch from one crisis to another in life, especially with the computer. They say knowledge is power, so perhaps I'll buy one of those 'Internet for Dummies' books before I upgrade the antivirus. Oops, the screen just flickered... (gulp!)
'There there, nice computer...'

Jay said...

Ah, Geri - or should that be Ms Atric? - don't bother with the Internet for Dummies, get a Mac! They just don't seem to suffer from viruses! I've been using this here laptop for three years with no anti-virus program and not a smidgeon of a virus have I even sniffed at.

The Windows machine is another matter entirely... you DO need one on there. And I bet you're talking about Norton's. Ahahaha. I used to have that.

Geri Atric said...

Hi jay, (Geri is fine) and thanks for the Mac advice(!) I've been seriously considering getting a laptop and I hadn't even thought of a Mac. It sounds just the thing for a computer unsavvy person like me.

Yes, I am talking about Norton (it came with the computer)! Should have realized it was too good to be true....

Jay said...

Macs work a little differently to Windows, so they take a bit of getting used to, but it's fairly easy, and I think it's worth it. I hate change, and panic easily, but both my husband and my son persuaded me and now I hardly use my desktop (Windows) machine at all.

Nortons has a mind of its own, and takes over your system. But a lot of software does that on Windows. I have a Hewlett Packard printer and curse it whenever I use it. The printer is good, but the software drives me nuts!

Geri Atric said...

LOL! I can relate to the panic. With all these new technologies about I've gone straight from 'hot flushes' to 'adrenalin rushes' and I don't know which are worse!

Hmm... I think I'll ask at the computer shop if they know of someone who can come round and dig the old Norton out for me and then download some other free antivirus program. It might be just as safe (?) and not as frustrating to learn to control as the one I've got now!

Jay said...

Good idea - I use AVG, which seems fine. It used to be Grisoft, but now they call themselves AVG Technologies. A search should find 'AVG' pretty easily though. :)

Geri Atric said...

Ah yes, my son-in-law recommended AVG too. I'll definately look into it.

My Take said...

Hi! I found your blog through Grandma Julia's blog and paid it a reqular visit since then.

I just love your sense of humor. I always have a good laugh reading your blog and a good laugh never fails to make me feel good. Thank you so much.

By the way, I would love to feature your blog on my blog if you don't mind. Just let me know if it's ok.

Thanks again.

Geri Atric said...

Hi, my take ~ welcome to AU and thank you for your kind words!