MOTHER NATURE - OW!

Nestling in the woods above a winding stream the holiday bungalow was comfy and spacious and equipped with all mod cons. The weather was wonderful too - hot-hot-hot(!) with only two rather violent thunderstorms - and the Park amenities were excellent. Swimming, eating, walking, eating, climbing, eating, bowling and eating...!! Well, what the h*ck! Isn't that all part of enjoying a good holiday? Even though lots of normally 'forbidden' snacks and sweeties are now (despite all that activity) lodged for the unforeseeable future around the old hips and tum....

The setting was great; surrounded as we were with numerous different sorts of interesting trees, filled with birds of many lovely colours and inclination (I like birds). Cheeky Tom-Tits; raucous Jays; bossy Magpies; and busy mother ducks with their numerous fluffy offspring, all anxious to share our picnic breakfasts.

We were even treated to an occasional glimpse of two red squirrels, chattering at us from high up in the trees, although too timid to come down whilst we were outside.

All in all, Dutch Mother Nature at her most relaxing, picturesque and charming best....

WOAH... back up for just a moment there Geri!...

AND her worst!!!!!!!!!! *scratch, scratch*

Yup, I got bitten, remorselessly - by creeping, flying, whining, buzzing, horrible buggy things! Have been home two days now, but am still scratching at big red lumps on arms and legs. The one just above the left knee looks suspiciously tick-like too...

Why didn't I use the repellent on offer? Because I'm an idiot, that's why...tsk!

The second week of my summer holiday will be in Scotland, starting at the beginning of August - but since the end of last week the picture of beautiful highlands and the interesting woods and wild life they have there too, is now rapidly giving way to a vision of dozens of ominous clouds of.....midges!! I saw on the UK news recently that these pesky, tiny devils had actually driven hoards of camping tourists away....

Ah well - that's Nature, I guess. Take it or leave it.

I'll take it - but will be smearing myself in with 'anti-bug' from head to toe, the moment I leave the plane. Oh yeah..!

Happy holidays everyone! And take care, wherever you go.

SURVIVAL TIPS(??)

Found some...er... (maybe) useful survival tips on the web this morning - but am left wondering how many people cast away on a desert island and needing to build a fire, would have a brillo pad, toilet roll and 9v battery handy?! (See link below...)

And to ensure continued survival, after being rescued from the island and safely home again:-

Quote: "(Useful) technique to -
test the safety of your microwave oven.
Place your (mobile) phone inside the oven, close the door and then dial your mobile number from your land line.
Your call should go straight to voicemail because the microwaves can't reach the phone. If it rings you have a problem, because if the waves can get in, they can get out, too (!!)"
(Ref: Mail Online).

Another tip on how to combat B.O. (plain old sweat!) with fizzy 'love heart' sweets, is intriguing - if perhaps not a bit sticky(?).. I.E: Crush them up and apply directly to armpits..(!)
Of course, you won't be able to lift your arms whilst 'holding' the sweeties in place - but at least you'll smell nice!

These tips and more @
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1280743/Fancy-bit-Bear-Grylls.html

ARE YOU SEEING WHAT ISN'T THERE?

There is a distinct difference between accepting that you are glimpsing the ghost of a little black cat darting about your house - and of thinking that you are 'imagining things', every time said cat cavorts playfully at the periphery of your vision!

I have no doubt, that the ghost of a little black cat has been living with me for a number of years now; and that she occasionally disappears for weeks at a time, to visit other members of my family in their own houses. (Sort of goes off on her 'holidays'!).

All this came to light of course when I casually, and half jokingly mentioned that I was being 'haunted' by this animal and surprised family members also admitted that they too sometimes 'saw' a little black cat, flitting silently around their houses.

We did have a real, live black cat once. In fact we had five family cats, during the years my children were growing up. All of whom came to us either as young strays, or were born in the house, or from another litter - and all lived to a ripe old age (17, 18, 19 and 20). All except the little black one that is. She was the first cat we ever had - a young stray (found by yours truly) starving and sick in the snow - and who when recovered, became mother to four kittens; two of whom found homes elsewhere and two we kept, because they got too big waiting for homes - and we'd become too soppy about them to want to part with them anyway...

Our little black mama cat was about 14 when she became very ill and had to be 'put to sleep'.

I sobbed all the way back from the vet's on the bus, with her little lifeless body wrapped in a blanket on my knee..... and buried her in the garden - and my heart ached for months. Nay, years!

What the heck, I hear you say. It's just a cat...

Yes, they were all 'just cats'; and they all got ill in the end, with quite serious old-age illnesses (brain tumour; hyperthyroidism/heart problems; kidney failure) and all had to be 'put to sleep' and buried in the garden. Except for the fifth one - a little grey and white cat. She moved with me to my present abode - where there is no garden - and I had to have her cremated and her ashes 'scattered at sea' in The Hague.
Actually, I was a bit bothered by that afterwards, because cats don't like water and it didn't 'feel right'. But there was no other choice (council rules and regulations) so it wouldn't therefore have surprised me, if she hadn't turned up on a few celestial visits - to reproach me for her soggy end...! But no. It's not her.

It's definitely the little black cat.

That's her in the photograph (taken when she was alive)!

On the other hand. For those of you who prefer a more rational explanation for my feline phantom, I have googled up this site:

http://www.amd.org/living-with-amd/33-charles-bonnet-syndrome.html

I came across the phenomenon of 'animal hallucination' during a psychology course.

It's not the worst hallucination in the world! Rather comforting actually. And I don't have problems with my eyes, apart from needing glasses for reading, so am still convinced that in mine and my family's' case, this is not some kind of brain/eye syndrome - but a true haunting! And just so you know, our hearts and minds will remain open to our little black cat ghostie, for as long as she needs us. And that's just purrrrrrfect!!!

(L)EEK!!!

This is all that is left of a rather large leek I have been chomping on - now and then - throughout the past week. (Finely chopped leek, sprinkled liberally onto a layer of old cheese and enclosed within wholewheat bread. Yummy!).

The only trouble with raw leeks (and old cheese too, for that matter...) is that the memory of them lingers on in the mouth for days....and days....and days..

Not normally a problem - unless your partner complains(!) or, a large piece of enamel breaks off the back of one of your few remaining upper molars - and you have to promptly visit the dentist!

That latter thing has happened (of course!) - and leek addicted Geri has now emailed said dentist for an emergency 'please squeeze-me-in' appointment; and is regularly checking the in/email box for a reply.

In the meantime, toothpaste and mouthwash are being regularly and anxiously employed - and the old gums and tongue are quite sore with all the extra attention!

That'll teach me.

Trouble is, I can still taste and smell that leek! Have heard that parsley helps extinguish the odour of garlic but I don't have any readily available - and anyway, it probably doesn't work on leeks? There are plenty of dandylion leaves along the hedgerows though....so perhaps I'll give those a try. Although, they might not work either - and knowing my luck, will also stain the teeth bright green!

Just imagine the dentist's shock, when I open my mouth and he stares down into that green, evil smelling pit.....! Aarrgghh!!

Meanwhile, the old tongue is being irresistibly and continually drawn to the jagged cavity in the back of that molar - and is poking itself ragged! If this doesn't put me off raw leeks for the rest of my life - don't know what will.

(L)eeek!!!!!

GOING DUTCH IN IRELAND!

Let's see... what are the Netherlands famous for:

Tulips
Clogs
Windmills
Gouda cheese
Delft pottery
Dikes
Coffee Shops
Frisian Cows
Raw herrings with onions
Genever
Canals
Street Organs
Euthanasia
and Cycling !

Bicycles! Which (with or without child's seats front and back) seem to be doing wonderfully well in the export market. This time to the Emerald Isle!

This should please the 'EU Greens'. And maybe earn us clog dancers a little dispensation for the ammonia fog from our cows(?) and not to forget the ungodly whiff (something like a mixture of rotting gardinias and landfill) from our coffee shops? No wait - the windmills largely waft that away...

That just leaves the cheese then - but Gouda is rather mild, so no real bother there. And after a few old Genevers (gins), you usually end up reeling off into one of the canals anyway - and don't give a hoot about industrial aromas, one way or the other.
(That's where the Euthanasia bit comes in: I.E. they feed you vast quantaties of gin and joints after sunset - and then rent you a bike)!

There are a lot of bikes in Dutch canals.. But generally speaking, cycling is very good for you - although I haven't attempted it since I got knocked off mine by a car in 1999 and broke my hand.
But cycling is also apparantly good for the environment as well. I mean how can it not be? Unless the 'aroma' from your panting breath after eating a few raw herrings and onions can be counted as pollution.....?

So go to it Ireland! And if you end up with broken bones in a ditch somewhere, we have tulips to brighten the eye and more genever to cheer you up...!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/ireland/article7078978.ece

NIT-PICKIN A CHICKEN!

Just recently I had to face my eldest daughter’s indignation.

Daughter: (confrontational). Mam! Do you remember when I was a little girl and you read me the story of Chicken Licken?

Me: Er..yes..

Daughter: Well, you lied to me!

Me: (warily). I did…?

Daughter: Yes! Remember how an acorn falls on Chicken Licken’s head and he thinks the sky is falling in and so he sets off to tell the King? And on the way he meets Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, Drakey Lakey, Turkey Lurky and Foxy Loxy, who all want to go with him?

Me: (bewildered). Yes…

Daughter: Well Foxy Loxy apparently said that he was sure his wife would want to tag along too, so he invited them all back to his den to meet her – but once there, he gobbled them all up!

Me: (nervously). Yes, well I’m sure he did. Yes, he did.

Daughter: (indignantly). Well you told me that Foxy Loxy invited them all back to meet his wife and they all sat down and had jam sandwiches!!!

Me: (spluttering) Ahem. Yes, well, you were so young. What were you? Three? Four? You were all excited and enjoying the story so much, I couldn’t bare to tell you the cold, evil truth and wipe that happy smile off your little face. So yes. I lied!

Daughter: (tongue in cheek) Well, I can understand that - but you should have told me later. You shouldn’t lie to kids. I went through childhood defending your version!

Me: (contrite). Okay. I’m sorry. I forgot. But look at it this way. You slept serenely afterwards. No nightmares of being eaten by foxes. No years of therapy needed.

Daughter: There is that, of course. Now… about Red Riding Hood and the Wolf………?

Me: (gulp..).

Moral of this true conversation: (Yes, surreal as it seems, it really did take place!). Don’t ever tell fibs to your kids - even with their welfare in mind - because they will always come back to roost! Even more than 40 years later. LOL!

NIGHTMARE BEASTIES!

On holiday at last! Pure bliss - and there was little me - Geri in paradise! Knee deep in a sparkling blue sea and gazing joyfully up and down an empty ribbon of white sanded beach, that stretched for miles to both sides of me.

Dabbling in the gentle waves with both hands, I turned lazily and gazed towards a darker patch of sea just in front of me. This dark area indicated a sudden drop into deep water; and there were darker patches at regular intervals all along the shoreline. One minute you would be shuffling through the gentle swell and the next, swimming high above an underwater tropical world!

The idea of a swim was appealing - but before I could don my snorkel and step forward, the sand shifted violently beneath my feet and my heart was suddenly thudding with horror as the dark patch was swirling upwards out of the water to meet me! What in heaven's name....?! And then the dark patch tore off my leg!

It was a dream...? It had to be! Another one of those blasted shark nightmares! Ughh!....*shudder*.
All it takes is half an hour of National Geographic in the late evening - and there I am in slumberland, gathering up severed limbs!!! You would think I'd have learned by now not to watch late night Oceanic programs.

In childhood, it was snakes. The funny thing about that though, was that I did not need to see or hear about snakes beforehand for them to infiltrate my dreams. All it took was a bout of feverish bronchitis (which was often) and young Geri would be plunged into a pit of slithering, entwining vipers - and it would only take one tiny movement.... and they would strike and strike and strike....aarrgghh!! Woe betide me, but I always thought I could get out of the pit by walking v-e-r-y slowly. But it never worked. I always got thoroughly bitten - and woke up gasping and sweating with fear.

The sub-conscious is very strange, don't you think?

But there were nice dreams too. When I was very young, I remember seeing a picture of the boy God Mercury, with tiny wings on his heels. All he had to do was flap these tiny wings and up he went! It made such an impression on the wee sub-conscious, that it wasn't long before I too was flying through the air - up and away, above towns and countrysides... lovely! The best dreams were when I would run a few steps and suddenly be flying over the heads of my surprised classmates and family....
The funny thing is, I never dreamed about the landings. Up, up and away and the next thing - back in bed.

Haven't dreamed the flying dreams since childhood. But they were nice and I'd like them back again. So, think I'll swap those Nature programs for Aeronautical ones. Trouble is, the only flying documentary I have ever seen on Nat. Geo., is: 'Seconds from Disaster'!!!
Guess in future I'll just have to turn the telly off straight after 'Eastenders'..... (...help!)

MY SUBWAY (K)NIGHT !

Coming home on the 'Rotterdam-Hague' above ground subway late last night and almost at my station, I was accosted by a well dressed, elderly and seemingly confused gentleman.

"Aha!" Says he, addressing myself and a young woman sitting just behind me.
"Aha, two angels sent to comfort me!"

As I glanced at the young woman - who looked alarmed - and stood up in preparation to leave the train, the elderly gentleman spread his arms wide, blocking my exit from the seat.

"Well," I replied calmly, brushing him firmly aside, "this 'angel' is a bit old."

"No matter!" Answered he, following me eagerly to the door.

The train swayed and I grabbed a pole, while the elderly gentleman attempted to grab my hand on the pole.

"Listen to me," I said, in my best (Dutch) matter-of-fact, calming voice, whilst gazing unblinkingly and firmly into his rheumy old eyes. " Sit yourself down and wait quietly, until you reach your Stop. All right?"

"Oh what a pity," said he, moving off quickly down the carriage to accost another female. He had obviously decided there was no chance with one of his own generation, because his next victim was a pretty teenager, who let out a yelp, at whatever it was he said to her - and shouted at him to "Sodermieter op!!!" (Dutch for F... off!).

By now we had reached my station and as I stepped onto the platform the elderly gentleman was hurrying back up the carriage towards me (!). Too late! I was outside - and a young man stepping off at a door further up, waited for me to walk up beside him, before asking me if 'that old bloke' had been bothering me (?) and that he was just becoming aware of the situation and feeling that he should 'do something' about it, when 'the old perv' had moved away to pester somebody else! I replied that I had felt that the elderly gentleman was more confused, than dangerous - but still you never can tell - and I thanked him for his concern.

As we began descending the steps to street level the train was slowly leaving the station and we caught a glimpse of 'the old perv' peering forlornly after me through the glass door (!)
The young man solicitously slowed his pace to match mine, accompanying me safely down the unlit steps to the pavement, before calling a cheery goodnight and dashing off to catch an approaching tram - and as I continued my journey, I couldn't help but feel a warm glow of appreciation - and an inward chuckle. Chivalry towards elderly ladies with silver hair and stiff old knees (takes me a while to get down steps sometimes) is not dead it seems!

Bless that young man - and bless the old one too. For alas, I fear he may well be the most vulnerable of us all.

P.S.
I always carry my keys in my hand whilst walking down unbusy streets at night. Something I was told as a child: If someone grabs you around the neck from behind, jab the key up over your shoulder into the assailants eye (!) Yuk. Luckily haven't had to try it yet...

ADDLED!

OH...!

So now the 'ads' that miraculously appeared under the posting entitled 'OW!' (when I pressed that seemingly innocuous new dashboard button) and which prompted a new posting - have now disappeared from beneath 'OW!'(?) and nestled themselves snugly beneath 'BUTTON IT!'...?
As I understood it (before pressing the button), new 'ads' would appear on the sidebar and beneath EACH new posting(?)

Which probably means that since I am now in the process of typing out a new posting entitled 'ADDLED!' the 'ads' are now in the process of slowly fading (like the Cheshire Cat's Smile - ref: Alice in Wonderland/Lewis Carroll) from beneath 'BUTTON IT!', to reappear underneath this one...?

*Sigh*...I am in Computer Technology awe. Computer technology is my God. I feel like feeding my computer a carrot.
(I.E., ref. to The Coming Plague/Laurie Garrett - and an incident in which a Brazilian tribe, on seeing their first ever aeroplane (bringing medical Scientists) thought it was a mighty 'God' Bird and rushed out from the surrounding jungle to feed it roots - and don't say you (and me )would not have done the same in their place - because I am betting we would have - for sure! ).

Wait though, I have just had a thought (!) (*rusty grinding noise*)... Since 'ADDLED!' will be posted on the same day as 'BUTTON IT!' the ads will 'think' it's all one-and-the-same - and not move upwards (seems logical), if you get my drift?

Wonder if I am right.....? (finger now moving towards 'publish post')..... bated breath...


(*Groan*.... There must be a better way to spend a cold, wet, slushy Sunday?).


P.S.
HMMPH!! This is an 'edit'. I wasn't right...

OW!!

Slipped on the icey pavement this morning, whilst putting out the wheelie bin and bumped my 'tail' bone. Smack ! (@*!!x#) - right on the end of the spine - ow-ow-ow!

There were only two other people about - an elderly couple, shuffling along and clinging desperately to each other, on the opposite side of the street. But the odd thing is, during and immediately after the fall, I behaved as though nothing had happened (?!), clambering as swiftly and nonchalantly to my feet as possible (with legs flailing all over the place) and ignoring the pain. What was that all about?

Am left wondering if my reaction would have been the same if the street had been deserted? Giving it some thought - the answer is, that I think so. I think the desire to be upright and apparently unhurt is/was some kind of survival instinct....(?)
Sort of like: 'Aargh! I've come a cropper in the snow-and am old and helpless-and if I don't get up at once the wolf pack will close in-and eat me! So let's see if the legs still work and if they do, let's get the h*ll out of here!

Well maybe there are no wolves in the middle of slippery, snowy suburban 'Den Haag' - well, not the animal kind anyway - so perhaps it had more to do with not wanting to look like an idiot (?!) Anyway, as I said, I uprighted myself (with the aid of a lamppost); placed the wheelie bin carefully at the curb; and baby-stepped slowly back into the warmth and safety of the Geri 'cave'.

Hmm... (wince). Feels like I'll be sitting on a cushion for a while - but apart from that, nothing a few hot cuppas won't cure.. Cheers (!)

And oh yeah - be careful out there!

BOOM-DIDDY-BOOM!

Dutch New Year celebrations started officially yesterday morning, with the legal sale of fireworks in Holland. Legally, they must not be let off before 10 a.m. on the 31st Dec.; but unrealistically, billions of bangers, rockets and other heart jumping noisy explosives, are now in the hands of millions of over-excited Dutch youth.

So, since I am not allowed to leap out, screeching bloodcurdlingly (and brandishing my broomstick) onto the backs of our local youth - and physically remove their fireworks from them when they let them off right under my windows (!) - that just leaves the following:

Check list:
Wheelie bins under cover.
Letter box sealed shut.
Last minute shopping done.
All windows closed.
Monitor the dog's pulse and respiration.

A friend's German Shepherd mix is staying with me, while her 'mam' holidays in Dubai - and she is cowering on top of my feet. She has been there for almost the last 24 hours and my feet are numb. Toasty, but numb.

This poor dog is my greatest concern; what with all the smoke and noise coming from the street she is a nervous wreck, so I have created an elaborate, 'escape' route, out of my scullery door (mine is the only residence on the ground floor - a sort of granny flat) and into a small enclosed back passage. Then out through another door into the main hall, past the lift and out through the electronic back doors onto a large cul-de-sac of grass and trees - and from there it is just a couple of minutes mad dash across the grass, around a corner, across a road and into a large wooded park, where an 'off lead' area for our four footed friends, offers sanctuary. Phew!

After a bit of a run, I will put her back on the lead and since the local New Year's bonfire is being built further up in the park, we will then proceed the opposite way, past monuments and duck filled ponds, towards an area of high prickly bushes - to relax and sniff at rabbit holes. (The dog, not me (!) I gave up rabbit hole sniffing years ago...). It seems to soothe the dog's nerves and the local rabbits are apparently used to us now, since they don't bolt anymore.
I just hope that these cute, seemingly unafraid bunnies - and the local tame ducks - have the sense to bolt and hide from the growing swarms of kids armed with thousands of 'bombs': i.e, bangers that get louder and more dangerous every year... *shudder*..
Because some of them really are like small bombs. Obtained illegally from Belgium and smuggled into the Neths. I saw two of them blow a couple of impressive holes in the tarmac outside a party in Amsterdam, a couple of years ago.

Happy New Year everyone - and be safe! And that goes for your pets and the local wild life too.

Cheers!!!

HYPOCAMPPOTTYMUS!

Reciting Pi to 40 places, in an occasional attempt to keep the old hypocampus from shrinking, has always been one of my favourite brain exercises. But whilst on most days the old grey cells will proudly rattle of the sequence - and throw in a rapid 12 times table for desert - on others, there is a black void past the first 4 places. (3.14 15....er...?..thingy...er...?...darn it!).

So I can't believe people actually do this - for FUN!!!

MINE'S BIGGER'N YOURS!

* Doctors are a weird and wonderful bunch aren't they? I remember waking up from having my appendix out on my 18th. birthday and being greeted by a wildly enthusiastic surgeon informing me that the offending dangly object, was the l-o-n-g-e-s-t he had ever seen, let alone removed! Blushing furiously and not quite knowing how to respond, I shyly told him he could keep the thing, if he liked... to which he very seriously - and majestically ignoring the tittering nurses - told me he would be honoured to do.

I wonder if he did keep it and where it is now?
Floating in green stuff in a jar, on a dusty shelf at the back of some forgotten hospital cupboard?
Proudly displayed in some teaching hospital in the U.S. bought years ago for an exorbitant sum?

Wow! Think I'll google it! (You never know...)

* The above memory was jolted from its mental pigeon hole by a visit to Steph on her blog The biopsy report. Steph is a very brave lady and an inspiration to us all to fight on and stay optimistic, in the face of horrific illness. Happily, she is better now - and her skull is famous too! Good luck to you Steph. Stay well!

BRAIN DRAIN!

It's the daily routine that's to blame, I'm convinced of it, because now I've stopped jetting backwards and forwards and thinking outside the box, I'm back to forgetting where I've put things - again!
Keys; shoes; bag; knickers; you name it.. nowhere to be found - so yup, life is definitely back to normal!

Time for the old brain exercises I'm thinking (well, at least I'm thinking!) and actually, I've reinstated one of the 'brain drains' we used to do at school on the last day of term, when the teacher couldn't think of anything else to keep us busy - and quiet.

The key word is PLANET and you have to get as many other words out of it as you can.
I think the record for this particular word is 92 other words - but there again, that does seem rather a lot - I can only see about 10 at first glance!

Come on then brain - here we go!

P L A N E T.
plan; plant; plane; pan; pane; pen; pat; pet; plate; peat; pleat; pal; pale; pelt; petal; - is that all the P's?

L... yawn ... This is really draining. Just off for a quick cuppa and chocy bar (brain food) - carry on without me folks...!!

FLU-UCTUATION...

Happily - it is not Swine Flu.
(Although I wasn't tested...)

Unhappily - it is the start of another bout of double pneumonia.
(A secondary bacterial infection. Though secondary to what, I do not know).

But there again, happily - the antibiotics are kicking in and things are slowly improving.
(3 cheers...).

Unhappily though - am not allowed out in the sun whilst taking the antibiotics.
(Groan..)

Very happily though - it is an overcast day.

Ha-ha! Last laugh for me! .. (cough, cough...)

ZWIJNPEST!

Don't know whether to blame this ridiculous looking pink creature I found lurking around - whilst clearing up the grandkids' toy box last Wednesday - but with mounting trepidation the list of today, includes:

Chills; coughing; very sore throat; horrible pain in back of neck; thumping head; aching all over, sore skin and runny nose.

Could of course be just a bad cold, but considering what happened last winter - when I felt ill but ignored it and carried on till I broke(!) - am now going to dive into bed and dose myself into a long healing doze. Read about that once in a James Herriot book (he was a Yorkshire vet'), how he put a 'sick sheep into a deep sleep' - Lor'.. don't say that fast! You'll lose your dentures - and when it woke up after 3 days it was cured! Brilliant stuff.

So ta-ta for now and take extra care when clearing out boxes and cupboards. Never know what might be lurking there.. My mother found a scorpion once, but that was when she was billeted in India during W.W.II..... (another time, another tale).

love and stuff,

Geri xx

TAKEN SHORT!

Feeding the ducks in the park yesterday, met a neighbour just back from his holidays. A friendly man and very proud of his idiomatic-type English, which he practices on me – strangely with an ‘American’ accent - whenever he can.

Me: 'Howdy neighbour!'

Him: (Walking stiffly)…'O.K.. Jes got me a new case of the "galloping whatsits…".'

Me: 'Oh dear. That doesn’t sound O.K.. Picked it up on holiday?'

Him: 'Yeah. Makes it difficult to walk properly. A bit sore between the…'

Me: (Interrupting hastily)… 'Oo-er, yes yes, well, perhaps you shouldn’t be out? I mean, I know there are a lot of bushes around here, but perhaps it would be better to stay home, close to the...er.. W.C. You know - bathroom.'

Him: (With a slightly puzzled air)… 'But why would I wanna do that? I allus walk the hound round this time…'

Me: (More puzzled) 'Well, those ‘galloping…er…whatsits’ can come on quite - suddenly.'

Him: 'Awl-a-sudden? Well nay, s'matter-a-fact, took quite a while to tug them critters on!'

Me: (Totally confused). 'Heh???'

Him: (Lifting his T-shirt and pulling at his jeans waistband) 'Looky here…'

Me: (In rising panic) 'What are you doing man.? Get home quick! I’ll finish walking your dog for you!'

Him: 'The label. Look at the label.'

Me: ' "Colt". You’ve bought yourself a new pair of Colt jeans?'

Him: 'Tight sons-a-b****ers.'

Me: (Whinnying). 'NAAAY…toch!' (spelled NEE - Dutch for NO…).

Him: 'Whad'ya think I meant?'

Me: (Quickly) 'Nothing. Have a nice day.'

Him: (Shuffling stiffly off, mumbling in Dutch..) Translation: 'Strange woman. Goin’ a bit ‘potty’...'

THE WORLD IS OVERFULL

The world is overfull. Everyone seems to be in agreement with that. So I have decided to do my own bit for humanity and not visit that Italian IVF doctor famous for inpregnating (barmy)geriatric women.

Ideas on solving the problem of over population:

Good way? - Bad way?

I guess it's a matter of opinion.

I don't usually get political on the blog. But it's Sunday and it's raining - and I've finished all my chocolate. Bah, humbug!

Humbugs. Haven't got any of those either - in fact, do they still make them? You know, those black and white striped, odd shaped sweets? Or has the British government banned them as Racially/Politically Incorrect? I usually stock up on British sweeties (not available in The Neths.), when I visit family.

Perhaps 'the powers that be' will ban me after this. Or on the other hand, maybe some rich nutter will read this and leave me all his/her money...
Ha-ha! But wait a minute - If that happened I'd probably get roped into 'saving the world'.

B***cks to that. Just leave me to my rainy Sunday and my rapidly wearing off 'sugar high'...

Ouch... got a headache now.

INVIGORATED!

Well it’s three months later now and winter more or less gone, although you never can be sure, as it’s wet and chilly again today in my part of the Neths. - but never mind that, take a peek at the photo …

Those pesky seagulls even followed me to Menorca ! Of course, they could have already been there…(radical thought). This one was particularly persistent in its attempts to dive-bomb my grandson’s lunch.

That’s right folks, after a dreadful cold winter and an eight month list of depleting family maladies ranging from pneumonia, broken bones, ear operations, stomach flu, ordinary flu, continuous coughs, colds and very low spirits all round etc., etc., we (youngest daughter, two small grandsons and yours truly) took ourselves off to Menorca on Dutch Mother’s Day, 10th May, for ten sun filled, recuperating days. Well, eight actually, it rained for two (but even that was warm).

Back home now though, healthy, tanned and relaxed - and hopefully with re-built immune systems!

Bring it on!!!!!

WINTER SLEEP

Woke briefly from winter hibernation this morning and poked my sleep grizzled head out of the Geri Atric cave… A watery sun struggled through the clouds to briefly touch my tongue. Other folk hold up their finger to test the wind. I stick out my tongue to test the sun. Don’t ask.

Not a soul to be seen, except for a row of seagulls, perched motionlessly on the roof of the building opposite. They eye me hungrily.

I’m feeling peckish too and rummage hopefully through my depleting store of nuts and berries. Hmm, not much left. Spring will have to come soon….

A brief visit to the computer to read online news - and also to see if my blog is still there. Does the Blog Host Company, or whatever it’s called, delete your blog if it is not contributed to regularly (?) Not much to report at the moment but it’s nice to know I have an outlet, for those rare moments of rambling inspiration.

(Almost) cuddled back on the settee now, with the telly droning in the background and eyelids drooping…
Dreams of emigrating to warmer climes. Dreams of eating a mountain of chocolate ice-cream. Dreams of being young and nubile again.

Those ravenous seagulls are gathering under my window – and have been joined by flocks of raucous crows. I throw them stale bread and watch them half kill each other.
I like birds.

I hate winter.