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Nov 1, 2008

CRANKY GRANNY


Phew..! That was scary – just met myself coming back on the train! Must have been me. I have been dashing and sleep walking hither and thither for the last few weeks (since returning from my Scottish holiday) lending a helping hand in a family (sickness) crisis. Have been returning home every 5 days or so, to check my mail and get a bit of sleep..zz.. before rushing off again.

As I mentioned to Steph of ‘the biopsy report’, who recently enquired as to ‘wherefore art I was’ (!) my main task has involved the night-shifts, caring for two little grandsons...YAWN.. and it seems that as soon as I have fed and changed the baby, rubbed Vick on his chest, sprayed salt solution up his tiny nostrils and settled the little chap down (for the umpteenth time between midnight and dawn) the 3 year old gets up needing a drink of water, a pee, a cuddle and a bit of a chat..(SCREAM!). Ah, I don't mean that. I could eat them up with a spoon really.

Seriously though, I have plumbed depths of energy and patience unplumbed for almost 40 years (since my youngest was a babe) and have battled the complexity of applying expensive, modern day elasticated paper nappies, to a tiny wriggling bottom - and having the fastening tags keep tearing off (!) Whatever was wrong with good old Terry towelling nappies(?)…. apart from having to dunk them in a bucket of cold water first, to rinse off that gooey, smelly, yellowy stuff and then having to boil, dry and air them…. Hmm. On second thoughts, I’ll master those tags!

And what about those modern day boxes of baby milk, designed to reduce Houdini to tears of frustration?! Apparently all you need to have, to open the lid, is strength, patience and double jointed index fingers and thumbs, pressing hard in sync’ at the back and front of the lid… and voila! Or in my case ‘#!!*?! It wont open’ (scream!) and reach for a knife….

But worst of all (and the stuff of which my granny nightmares are made) are those finger fumbling, technological baby appliances; such as child car seats; maxi-cosies; adjustable high-chairs; and folding pushchairs and prams - and all of them bristling with immovable levers, knobs and complicated strap fasteners, requiring the same kind of synchronized pressing, as the milk container. Only this time it is the sides of the clasp you have to press to release the fastening straps… grr.. And if you press one side out of sync’ with the other, the whole appliance gets stuck and won’t open (!) and the poor screaming baby is doomed to spend the rest of his/her days trapped in some unrelenting, brightly painted, musical, nursery rhyme singing appliance…sigh. Whatever happened to plain old buckles? How did (we) older generations manage without all this stuff?

Oh Lor’, as I said to Steph on ‘Highland Fling’ comments, I sound a right 'Moaning Minnie' now, don’t I, and I really don’t mean to be - but really, these last few (testing) weeks have set me thinking and I do wonder about the sanity of women in their sixties going off to that Italian fertility specialist for IVF...!!

Still, on the brighter side, all this baby-sitting activity has melted 5 kilos off my middle and I can actually zip and button my jeans again, without having to lay flat on the bed or floor, yippee!

Will be returning to my little charges tomorrow - but OOOOHHHH how blissfully I shall SLEEP in my own bed tonight!

8 comments:

Grannymar said...

5 Star Brownie points to Geri and great on the button closing!

Enjoy your own bed tonight!

Geri Atric said...

Thanks grannymar! At this rate I'll soon be as slim and trim as yourself.

ZZZZZZZ.

Lilly's Life said...

Oh this was a brilliant post. I used to live in Scotland. Well you are scaring me for the days when I become a grandmother although my one and only daughter is telling me it will be a long time away.

Love your last line about losing the weight. See there is a silver lining in everything. Perhaps I better urge my daughter to hurry up with those grandkids after all I need to drop some kilos too! and I am not wearing those scary pants on my blog to do it! Great and funny post even though you are exhausted, hate to see how funny you could be when your batteries are recharged!

Geri Atric said...

Hi Lilly ~ sorry for scaring you 'off' grannyhood! It will be all right though, you'll see. Just as soon as you hear you are to be a gran the old hormones will kick in and you won't know yourself!

I am an older grandmother (my daughter left becoming a mum till later too) so I won't ever be a 'glam gran' - but yes I am thrilled about losing those kilos! Bending, lifting, and running after children is definately recommended in the battle of the bulge - and it's free too!
(...and not a pair of scary knickers in sight!).

My Take said...

It is a treat having you back and entertaining us once more with your brand of humor. I went into a much needed hibernation myself after I posted my review of your blog in my site. I hope you give it a glance before I get my next post in.

Cheers!

Terry

Geri Atric said...

Hi Terry ~ Welcome back from hibernation. Hope you are feeling re-energized.

Thank you for your kind words about my little blog! It was quite a surprise - though a nice one - to see 'AU' set in the spotlight in such an appreciative way.

Thanks again, and good luck with your future blog reviews. I look forward to visiting you again soon and seeing your next post!

steph said...

Hello Super Gran!

Sorry it's taken me this long to catch-up with your last trip home. You've probably been back and forth to your grandchildren several times since you wrote this post and now look like a shadow of your former good self.

I hope Santa Claus will be very kind to you this year and bring you everything you want (I daren't ask you what that is!). Just think of all those extra goodies you can eat (and drink) this Christmas without having to worry about your zip getting stuck!

Yours in admiration,

Steph (((hugs)))

Geri Atric said...

Hi Steph ~ It certainly has been a crazy couple of months (!) but happily, everything is now almost back to normal.

Gosh is it really almost Christmas again..?(Feels as though I've been away on another planet!). Love the picture of all those goodies you conjour up Steph. Slurp...

Prezzies too.. Lovely! Hmm, think I might ask Santa for a voucher for the massage parlour. All that baby lifting may do wonders for the tum and waistline - but it's not so kind to the old back(!)
LOL, ah well, never mind. As long as everyone stays healthy (touch wood) I'll be well content.