Mar 28, 2010


Let's see... what are the Netherlands famous for:

Gouda cheese
Delft pottery
Coffee Shops
Frisian Cows
Raw herrings with onions
Street Organs
and Cycling !

Bicycles! Which (with or without child's seats front and back) seem to be doing wonderfully well in the export market. This time to the Emerald Isle!

This should please the 'EU Greens'. And maybe earn us clog dancers a little dispensation for the ammonia fog from our cows(?) and not to forget the ungodly whiff (something like a mixture of rotting gardinias and landfill) from our coffee shops? No wait - the windmills largely waft that away...

That just leaves the cheese then - but Gouda is rather mild, so no real bother there. And after a few old Genevers (gins), you usually end up reeling off into one of the canals anyway - and don't give a hoot about industrial aromas, one way or the other.
(That's where the Euthanasia bit comes in: I.E. they feed you vast quantaties of gin and joints after sunset - and then rent you a bike)!

There are a lot of bikes in Dutch canals.. But generally speaking, cycling is very good for you - although I haven't attempted it since I got knocked off mine by a car in 1999 and broke my hand.
But cycling is also apparantly good for the environment as well. I mean how can it not be? Unless the 'aroma' from your panting breath after eating a few raw herrings and onions can be counted as pollution.....?

So go to it Ireland! And if you end up with broken bones in a ditch somewhere, we have tulips to brighten the eye and more genever to cheer you up...!


Mar 25, 2010


Is it possible do you think, that computer screens can send out invisible, sinister rays, that surreptitiously drain a users memory?

Either that - because since becoming a computer user the old grey cells are definitely in rapid meltdown - or, I have finally become completely paranoid in imagining the computer is 'out to get me'!

This morning was the clincher. After signing in and finding everything gone - and I do mean everything - starting with the 'gorse bushes in Scotland' desktop background (unfathomably replaced with a blue background with Dell written through it) right down to all files in Documents; all contents of Outlook Express Mail; all contents of Favourites; etc., etc.. In fact, the whole computer looked like a freshly bought one, just waiting to be programmed with all my personal details!

Horrified (you know the sinking feeling in the stomach thing..) I clicked on 'browser choice' - a new icon on the desktop menu - that I vaguely remember presented itself a few days ago and refused to be clicked away - and then choosing Google Chrome, started all over again filling in account details etc.....sob!

Didn't understand a single thing I was being asked... (frustrated tears rolling down soggy cheeks - waaahh!) so returned to the strange Dell desktop picture, clicked on Start - and rebooted.

Wondrously - once everything had started up again the original desktop Scottish gorse picture was back (!) and all the old menu icons...... and lo and behold even O.E. mail was back with all files intact; and all files in Documents and Pictures (with priceless family photos) were present and correct......

The only thing is, I am now scared to turn the computer off, in case everything is gone again, either from my head, or the computer (or both) the next time I log in (?)
Is it my mind - or is it really the computer playing tricks....(ponder, mumble...)?

Know what - I think it's time for a spot of comfort food! Made a Shepherds Pie a few days ago and it's always much nicer the second time around, warmed up in the frying pan with all the ingredients mushing together in one big tasty mass - Yum!

Till later then everyone... It is not polite to type with your mouth full - and besides that, the computer might decide it wants a byte! Hee-hee, ha-ha (mad cackling)!!

Mar 8, 2010


Just recently I had to face my eldest daughter’s indignation.

Daughter: (confrontational). Mam! Do you remember when I was a little girl and you read me the story of Chicken Licken?

Me: Er..yes..

Daughter: Well, you lied to me!

Me: (warily). I did…?

Daughter: Yes! Remember how an acorn falls on Chicken Licken’s head and he thinks the sky is falling in and so he sets off to tell the King? And on the way he meets Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, Drakey Lakey, Turkey Lurky and Foxy Loxy, who all want to go with him?

Me: (bewildered). Yes…

Daughter: Well Foxy Loxy apparently said that he was sure his wife would want to tag along too, so he invited them all back to his den to meet her – but once there, he gobbled them all up!

Me: (nervously). Yes, well I’m sure he did. Yes, he did.

Daughter: (indignantly). Well you told me that Foxy Loxy invited them all back to meet his wife and they all sat down and had jam sandwiches!!!

Me: (spluttering) Ahem. Yes, well, you were so young. What were you? Three? Four? You were all excited and enjoying the story so much, I couldn’t bare to tell you the cold, evil truth and wipe that happy smile off your little face. So yes. I lied!

Daughter: (tongue in cheek) Well, I can understand that - but you should have told me later. You shouldn’t lie to kids. I went through childhood defending your version!

Me: (contrite). Okay. I’m sorry. I forgot. But look at it this way. You slept serenely afterwards. No nightmares of being eaten by foxes. No years of therapy needed.

Daughter: There is that, of course. Now… about Red Riding Hood and the Wolf………?

Me: (gulp..).

Moral of this true conversation: (Yes, surreal as it seems, it really did take place!). Don’t ever tell fibs to your kids - even with their welfare in mind - because they will always come back to roost! Even more than 40 years later. LOL!

Mar 7, 2010


On holiday at last! Pure bliss - and there was little me - Geri in paradise! Knee deep in a sparkling blue sea and gazing joyfully up and down an empty ribbon of white sanded beach, that stretched for miles to both sides of me.

Dabbling in the gentle waves with both hands, I turned lazily and gazed towards a darker patch of sea just in front of me. This dark area indicated a sudden drop into deep water; and there were darker patches at regular intervals all along the shoreline. One minute you would be shuffling through the gentle swell and the next, swimming high above an underwater tropical world!

The idea of a swim was appealing - but before I could don my snorkel and step forward, the sand shifted violently beneath my feet and my heart was suddenly thudding with horror as the dark patch was swirling upwards out of the water to meet me! What in heaven's name....?! And then the dark patch tore off my leg!

It was a dream...? It had to be! Another one of those blasted shark nightmares! Ughh!....*shudder*.
All it takes is half an hour of National Geographic in the late evening - and there I am in slumberland, gathering up severed limbs!!! You would think I'd have learned by now not to watch late night Oceanic programs.

In childhood, it was snakes. The funny thing about that though, was that I did not need to see or hear about snakes beforehand for them to infiltrate my dreams. All it took was a bout of feverish bronchitis (which was often) and young Geri would be plunged into a pit of slithering, entwining vipers - and it would only take one tiny movement.... and they would strike and strike and strike....aarrgghh!! Woe betide me, but I always thought I could get out of the pit by walking v-e-r-y slowly. But it never worked. I always got thoroughly bitten - and woke up gasping and sweating with fear.

The sub-conscious is very strange, don't you think?

But there were nice dreams too. When I was very young, I remember seeing a picture of the boy God Mercury, with tiny wings on his heels. All he had to do was flap these tiny wings and up he went! It made such an impression on the wee sub-conscious, that it wasn't long before I too was flying through the air - up and away, above towns and countrysides... lovely! The best dreams were when I would run a few steps and suddenly be flying over the heads of my surprised classmates and family....
The funny thing is, I never dreamed about the landings. Up, up and away and the next thing - back in bed.

Haven't dreamed the flying dreams since childhood. But they were nice and I'd like them back again. So, think I'll swap those Nature programs for Aeronautical ones. Trouble is, the only flying documentary I have ever seen on Nat. Geo., is: 'Seconds from Disaster'!!!
Guess in future I'll just have to turn the telly off straight after 'Eastenders'..... (...help!)